Team Fortress 2 is an incredibly fun class-centric shooter game which benefits not just from well-designed gameplay mechanics, but from an intense level of strong humor and characterization. So, in honor of TF2 now being free to play, here are my list of my five favorite Team Fortress 2 videos (particularly of the “Meet the…” series.)
5. Meet the Engineer
“The answer is a gun. And if that don’t work, use more gun.”
4. Meet the Sniper
“Be polite. Be efficient. Have a plan to kill everyone you meet.”
3. Meet the Medic
“Don’t be such a baby! Ribs grow back! No, they don’t…”
2. Meet the Scout
“If you were from where I was from, you’d be [bleep]ing dead!”
As the old saying goes, dying is easy, but comedy is hard! These ladies have managed to prosper in the often male-dominated medium of standup comedy, as well as manage acting work, writing, or other difficult positions to find in showbusiness. And, I’m trying my best to not mention the admittedly beautiful and talented Nasim Pedrad, who I have mentioned more than a couple of times on this site. So, without further preface, here is my list of five of my favorite comediennes who I also happen to have crushes on (who aren’t Nasim Pedrad.)
5. Maria Bamford
Maria Bamford is perhaps best described by her fellow Comedian of Comedy Patton Oswalt, it’s like she’s a Martian telling stupid human jokes. Her routines have social consciousness and a keen awareness of the human condition while reveling in neurosis and eccentric impressions of family members, friends, enemies, and the stray celebrity.
4. Jessi Klein
Writer, comedian, and actress, perhaps best known as a reoccurring panelist on Best Week Ever, Jessi Klein has that nerd chic look that is very hard to resist, as well as an acerbic wit that only makes this more difficult.
3. Kristen Schaal
Kristen Schaal is not what I’d call conventionally beautiful, but her voice and stage personality are so funny, charming, and, frankly, adorable, it’s difficult not to fall in love with this Flight of the Concords and Daily Show contributor, even if she’s playing the voice of a talking triceratops in Toy Story 3.
2. Natasha Leggero
A judge on Last Comic Standing and frequent panelist on Chelsea Lately, Natasha Leggero is basically a funny version of Audrey Hepburn. If I didn’t just describe your perfect woman, I apologize for the dreary world you live in, because I just described mine.
Personally, it’s hard for me to get to incensed about the news of a reboot over at DC, it’s not the first time DC has donethis after all.
I’ve read some articles predicting some of the freedom this will bring will allow some bolder creative decisions to be made, and possibly entice new readers to what has been frankly a struggling medium. Whether that will happen or not remains to be seen, of course.
Some pro’s:
* Grant Morrison will be on Action Comics (a bold choice, but All-Star Superman was perhaps the strongest, most iconic, Man of Steel in recent memory. So I’m optimistic beyond my normal Morrison fanboy-ness. And Batman Inc. will continue, a sign the work he’s doing with that title isn’t going to be immediately retconed and handwaved the hell out of existence completely [cf. his run on New X-Men...])
* Kyle Rayner appears to have dodged another reboot-related-retcon, despite being increasingly redundant (especially after losing the Ion powers,) and avoiding a trend of being a forgotten replacement to a more popular and iconic version of the Legacy (most notably Ray Palmer returning to prominence as the Atom.) I was reading DC for a while before Zero Hour, so I had a bit of time with both Hal and Kyle, and I honestly like both of them (although my soft spot for Guy Gardner has grown larger and softer as I’ve gotten older.)
* A couple of these titles look actually readable. I also like how some of the Wildstorm and Vertigo stuff seems to be seeping into mainstream canon (Grifter[?!] of all people is getting an ongoing, along with Stormwatch, and John Constantine [it looks like] as a member of ‘Justice League Dark.’)
Some con’s:
* Rob Liefeld drawing Hawk and Dove (I know he has some history with the characters, but, the fact anybody will still seriously consider giving him work strikes me as laughable.)
* Speaking of Liefeld, the Teen Titans look like a 90′s fever dream.
* I’m highly concerned of the 52 reboot titles, maybe 26 (or less) seem like they’ll be viable longterm.
* At the risk of being petty, some of the costume designs strike me as a little silly (or at least, they’ll probably seem dated in 10 years or so. Mr. Terrific and the aforementioned Titans seems especially egregious. As do Red Hood and the Outlaws. Is Red Arrow wearing a baseball cap?!)
* Also, in opposition to my “some of these titles look readable” argument, speaking even as a Batman and Green Lantern fan, how many Bat- and Lantern titles can they really realistically support (and variations of the Justice League, for that matter)? I’d rather see those spaces going to some other ideas that could stand some fresh exposure (off the top of my head: Doom Patrol, The Question, The Creeper, the Metal Men…)
But what do you think? Let me know in the comments!
Geeky girls. They exist, and not in some xenobiology book either. I’ve seen them with my own eyes, and I actually happen to have met and even befriended a couple in my travels. Some of them even take off their clothes (and, at times, a whole lot more) on stage or in front of cameras. So, for those ladies who want to showcase their dorky allegiances while still being hot for the beer-and-pretzels set, here are five songs that are hot, (mostly) extremely danceable, and dorky as sin.
So, if you’re at the club and these come on the loudspeakers, get your dollar bills ready, because they’re at least hopefully going to figurines or cosplay.
5. Fette’s Vette – MC Chris
For those sexy Mandalorian ladies who are bounty-hunting after my heart.
4. Why Don’t You Do Right (as performed by Jessica Rabbit)
I’m not entirely sure how I’d react if I were to see a buxom redhead bust out some Jessica Rabbit and perform a slow-burn striptease…
3. Grilled Cheese – Elmer Fudd
Nothing is quite so silky smooth (or so cheesy.)
2. I’ve Got My Eye On You – Jem and the Holograms
Any lady who would dance to this is outrageous; truly, truly, truly outrageous.
1. I Want You – Panty and Stocking with Garterbelt
The theme to the villainous Scanty and Kneesocks, I Want You has driving bass, electronic organ, throbbing backwards-sounding modulated vocals, and is from an anime making fun of vulgar Western cartoons.
This Dork would like to apologize for a most unplanned break from the blogosphere. Life has a way of getting in the way, and I hope this doesn’t become part of an ongoing issue.
As summer encroaches for those of us in the Northern Hemisphere, my thoughts are taken to the summer vacations of years past, which, having been in school up until two years ago, used to still be a major force in my life (even if I was working during them.) But now that I have nothing but the partish-time job I’m currently involved with, there is little hope, if any, of getting out of the City of Angels for more than perhaps a long weekend at best.
With that in mind, here are a list of the top five places that don’t actually exist that I’d want to go on vacation.
5. Coruscant
I’m not the kind of guy who likes to rough it; I live in the desert already, so worlds like Tattooine offer little appeal to me, Endor is off limits due to my own dislike of Ewoks, and Hoth is way too cold for my tastes. But a chance to catch the nightlife on Coruscant, perhaps catch an opera and hear the tragedy of Darth Plageis the Wise, well, that sounds positively awesome…
Although, word to the wise, be careful who you fly with. I’ve found there to be some very unprofessional Star Tours pilots operating these days.
4. Guardia Village (AD 1000)
If visiting any of the time periods of Chrono Trigger (although the crumbling Empire of Zeal is a close second,) Guardia Village would have the least conflict. You could have a drink at the Inn, take a tour of Guardia Castle, or even beat up Gato to earn 15 silver points. You could even take part in the Millenial Festival and watch the horrific accident that sends a bunch of teenagers, a frog swordsman, a robot, a cavewoman, and a creepy scythe-wielding albino on a quest to destroy a giant space urchin thing.
3. Seattle
‘Nuff said.
2. Gotham City
Despite its sky-high crime rates, Gotham is the city where Crime is Art, so, even if you are held up, you’ll get a good show out of it (but, as the Tony Randall-voiced Brain Gremlin noted in Gremlin 2, I’m pretty sure you can watch that for free.)
1. Lankhmar
Lankhmar, the home of multiverse-renowned swordsmen Fafhrd and the Grey Mouser (penned by Fritz Lieber,) the City of the Black Toga, is a City of intrigue, adventure, and magic. Whether catching a service on the Street of the Gods, or buying a souvenir at the Bazaar of the Bizarre, or . Maybe I could catch the two at the Silver Eel for wine and a game of dice, hell, I could maybe even grab some of their trickledown tail.
I’ve been trying to build a respectable game collection for the Xbox 360 on a respectable budget, a feat which, with new games typically running at $59.99 a pop, is quite the challenge. So, I typically buy used, but, while trading in a few games, I came across a new game priced at $19.99 that I couldn’t pass up.
Sonic’s Ultimate Sega Collection contains over 40 classic titles from the Genesis, including all the good Sonic games I can think of (Sonics 1, 2, 3, and Sonic and Knuckles,) all three Golden Axes, all three Streets of Rages, Ecco the Dolphin, Shining Force 1 and 2, Altered Beast, Phantasy Star 1 through 4, and Dr. Robotnik’s mean Bean Machine, just to scratch the surface. It’s available for both the PS3 and the XBox 360.
I owned a Sega Genesis, but it wasn’t the primary console of choice (this, for me, was the Super Nintendo, followed by the Playstation, then the Playstation 2, with a gradual shift to the Xbox,) and I don’t have the retro gaming nostalgia for many of these titles, and have been approaching them as someone familiar (and forgiving) of the graphical limitations of the time, looking for fun gameplay and stories. And I’ve found hours of enjoyment here. So, if you’re a nostalgic fan of 90’s gaming, or just someone looking for a whole lot of bang for their buck, this is definitely a game worth checking out!
I previously mentioned A Very Potter Musical while discuss the success of their Boy who Lived Darren Criss (better known as Blaine to Gleeks.) Criss wrote the music and lyrics, as well as pitched the concept, to the Team Starkid crew’s latest production, Starship, which he and Joe Walker apparently pitched as “The Little Mermaid meets Aliens.”
No surprise there.
This show manages to combine many of my loves, not limited to science fiction, puppetry, parody, and musical theater. Starship deals with a planet fulled of insects, and one in particular, Bug, who longs to be a (human) Starship Ranger, and doesn’t quite fit in with his fellow bugs. When a ship of Starship Rangers arrives, it seems like his chance might be here, only to have to deal with the inevitable interspecies warfare.
The puppetry work here is very detailed and well-performed, and the script is pretty sharp and funny overall. Standout performances for me were Lauren Lopez as the Velasquez-parody Lt. Taz and the rhotacism-heavy Bugette, and Meredith Stepien as the robotic Mega-Girl, but, really, I was very pleased watching this whole show, and I imagine any fans of sci-fi and/or musical theater will get a kick out of this too.
The entire show is available on Youtube, or for purchase on DVD on the Team Starkid website here.
Jack “The King” Kirby is a hero of the comic book world, co-creator (to flat-out creator depending on how much you want to credit Stan Lee) from a whole slew of characters in the Marvel universe, including the Fantastic Four, the X-Men, and the Incredible Hulk. I have nothing but the deepest love and respect for him and his work, which shows a lot of heart, action, and character to it. That being said, the King wasn’t always the best costume designer, and some of his costume designs became some of the sillier relics of the Silver Age, especially in terms of headgear. With that in mind, here are my top 5 choices for Jack Kirby characters who wear ridiculous hats.
5. Kanto (The New Gods)
Moderately silly at a Renaissance faire, would become full-on silly when trying to intimidate Orion or Mr. Miracle, Kanto’s yellow foppish hat is just very hard to take seriously.
4. Diablo (The Fantastic Four)
Not as ridiculous as the rest of his costume, to be sure, Diablo’s multi-pointed headdress is less intimidating than silly looking.
3. Ajak (The Eternals)
Ugly and unwieldy, Ajak’s giant golden Aztec-inspired helmet would cause more problems than help the godlike Eternal to solve any.
2. Loki (Thor)
I genuinely like Loki’s hat. That doesn’t make it any less ridiculous looking. Imagine how much time he must spend primping his long yellow tassels.
1. Galactus (primarily associated with the Silver Surfer and Fantastic Four)
I think a big reason why Galactus became a swarm of ships in the Ultimate continuity and second Fantastic Four movie is to because no audience, not even an audience of fans, can take that hat seriously, devourer of worlds or not.
This summer, dutiful True Believers will get not one, but two, movies leading up to The Avengers: Thor and the upcoming Captain America: The First Avenger. How does the God of Thunder hold up?
In brief, not great, but then again, not horribly either.
First, the good. There are some standout performances here, especially from Anthony Hopkins as Odin and Tom Hiddleson as Loki. The direction from Kenneth Branagh is solid, although he uses the tilted “Dutch Angle” way too much for my liking. The production design and special effects are good but not spectacular for a big-budget summer blockbuster like this, I’d like to note the costume design manages to make the silly Kirbyesque Silver Age costumes palpable.
Also, I noticed that, with the exception of Odin, most of the characters generally kept the most egregiously silly part of the outfits [the headgear] off for the majority of the film.
Unfortunately, things aren’t perfect in the Nine Worlds of Asgard. Whether through editing, special effects, or stunt choreography (my current suspicion is the editing,) the fight scenes come across as choppy and hard to follow. Also, Chris Hemsworth, while looking the part, and definitely bringing a bit of sex appeal for those so inclined, wasn’t exceptionally engaging as an actor (although he makes up for it in the fight scenes, where he shines a bit more than delivering dialogue.)
Hemsworth showing his, ahem, talents.
Overall, I liked this movie, but I doubt it has as much mainstream appeal or strength as Spider-Man or Iron Man did. It’s better than some of the recent Marvel projects (then again, most things would be,) but it could stand a lot of improvement. Unless you’re a diehard Marvel Zombie, this might be one to wait for the DVD.
A hallmark of Rock and Roll music, The Beatles will most definitely be remembered in the history of 20th century music, and Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band will likely be remembered as their magnum opus (I prefer the White Album myself, or Revolver, but that’s just me.) While many of their contemporaries are fading into nostalgia, the Beatles’ music has retained a timeless feel that has them rediscovered by generation after generation, either through video games, or through movies, such as Across the Universe.
I didn’t much care for Across the Universe when it first came out. I appreciate Julie Taymor as a director, her version of Titus was great, for example. But the movie was ham-handed about its anti-war agenda, about 45 minutes too long, and tried too hard to use a lot of the Dada-esque John songs and not enough of the more straightforward Paul songs. I actually like all the songs they picked more, but they weren’t suited to constructing a cogent narrative. Which led to numbers like Eddie Izard singing “Being for the Benefit of Mr. Kite” in a circus.
This is the moment where me and this movie stopped agreeing on what a musical based on the Beatles should be about (if you want an exact moment in this video, it was probably around 45 seconds, where I thought to myself “okay, now stuff’s just happening. Thank you, movie.”) I was not pleased with this movie, to put it lightly.
Then I watched Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band. Released in 1978, and produced by Robert Stigwood (the guy who produced Grease and Saturday Night Fever, so he at least has some good sense about how music can be used in a movie,) the titular band is made up of Peter Frampton and the Bee-Gees, is based loosely on the album and Abbey Road, and contains almost no non-singing dialogue except on the part of our narrator, played by George Burns, who tries to help piece together a plot about the Band being manipulated by music executive Mr. Mustard (who, if you are not aware, is not a very nice guy at all.) This is a blessing since we don’t have to deal with as much “real” acting from the Bee-Gees and Frampton.
They aren’t the only musicians in the movie: Alice Cooper plays Father Sun (he sings a rather bizarre version of “Because;”) Earth Wind and Fire play themselves (they do a good cover of “Got to Get You Into My Life,” and might be one of the few redeeming features of the film, besides a performance I’ll mention below;) and Aerosmith are the Future Villain Band (foreshadowing their career-that-wouldn’t-die of the mid-90’s and stretched on to today, they perform “Come Together.”)
The movie is punctuated heavily by scenes randomly sped-up (reminiscent of A Hard Day’s Night,) which is a a cute technique, along with the white superimposed inter-titles, but the filmmaker manages to grab it by the throat and drag it into the ground so often that you can’t help but wonder if they were trying to intentionally make an awful movie.
There’s a point where reasoning breaks down for me. Where any attempt to find anything redeeming becomes an increasingly daunting and depressing challenge bordering on the absurd. I would compare finding the bad in this movie as to finding a needle in a haystack, but that’s not a fair comparison. Trying to find the bad in this movie is like trying to find the hay in a haystack. And not just any hay, but one particular piece, and it’s lost in the sea of the same hay. If the bad were like a needle (or needles) in a haystack, at least then you could find something differentiated and go “Oh, here is your problem. This.” But this entire movie is the movie’s problem.
Steve Martin, by the way, is in this movie. Steve Martin. Because when I think of The Beatles, the first thing that comes to my mind is Steve Martin.
I have to admit this is pretty funny. Perhaps if this was the only thing the movie was then I would not be as upset about it. And then he’s gone. You cry out for Steve Martin to come back, but he’s gone, and he’s left you with an awful, awful, movie.
The rest of the movie has the same frantic nonsensical construction, but its mostly taking itself serious to levels that seem to border on the absurd. But there is no scene that doesn’t in some way awkwardly crumble, look poorly constructed, or just messy. George Burns at times looks amazed he is even in this movie.
The movie ends with a bunch of celebrities singing the reprise of the title track and posing in a manner reminiscent of the album cover. These include such 70’s luminaries as Heart, Leif Garret, Carol Channing, Bonnie Raitt, Minnie Ripperton, Tina Turner, Hank Williams Jr., Curtis Mayfield, and, of course, Sha-Na-Na. Wolfman Jack is there too, perhaps imagining this is the next American Graffiti. Unfortunately for the Wolfman, it is not.
This movie was apparently so bad that it bankrupted Robert Stigwood’s production company, and the Bee-Gee’s eventually sued him over royalties related to it. If I were them I’d suddenly be worried about the money running out too.
This movie is not redeemable, even for its camp value. It’s not “awesomely bad” or “so bad its good,” it’s just plain bad. I thought I knew what an awful movie was before seeing this movie, but it actually transcends narrative, filmmaking, and manages to defile the canon of one of the greatest rock bands of all time. I would not recommend it to anyone, to watch under any circumstances, even for a morbid curiosity to see how bad it is (which is why I watched it.) Do not watch this movie. I’ll repeat that. If you value your sanity, or think fondly of the Beatles in any way, do yourself a favor and not watch this movie. If you want to see a Beatles musical, see Across the Universe. Or wait for somebody to make a really good one.
It’s become increasingly obvious the more I think about it that, if only to avoid the possibility of having to endure a third Beatles music within the next 30 years, to create some kind of guidelines for future generations, taking on the problems of the problems of the 1978 and 2008 Beatles musicals. So take heed, filmmakers of tomorrow:
1) Try to draw more focus on the earlier pre-Sgt Pepper’s Beatles, and, if you do use the more psychedelic Beatles songs, focus more on Paul’s stuff (“Here Comes the Sun” would be fine too, “Octopus’ Garden” likely wouldn’t.) John’s songs aren’t very complimentary to narrative, and you end up with bizarre interludes. Under no circumstances is “Being for the Benefit of Mr. Kite” to be used. Ever. “Strawberry Fields Forever” is a borderline case, because it isn’t as jarringly non-narrative as John’s other songs, but in both Across the Universe and Sgt. Pepper’s it gets used as an utterly dreadful ballad. But I think it could work.
2) Thematic diversity. Both films have a problem with taking a single issue and more or less defining the entire movie around it. Sgt. Pepper’s is about the corrupting nature of fame and power, while Across the Universe is an anti-war movie. There needs to be some variation, maybe a strong subplot not tied into that theme, or else try to create some more conflict with the theme (both of the above things are presented as bad, understandably, but that removes 99% of the conflict from the story. There needs to be disagreement and synthesis of ideas.) Otherwise it just becomes an overpowering series of intertwined Beatles songs.
3) Self-referential comments need to be low, if not to a minimum. The Beatles are such an integral part of pop culture that it’s easy to put references to characters or lines into the script. But it’s also really easy to go overboard with it too, because there’s so many iconic lines and characters. Across the Universe goes especially overboard with this, with every major character being named after some Beatles song or another. It’s ok to have a few characters that aren’t named after the songs, or to keep spouting random bits of Beatles lore. This makes the movie actually about something other than the songs, which, as important as they are to a musical, are not the entirety of the film.
4) Not every song needs to be on the nose about what it’s about, but at the same time, don’t attribute completely new meaning to a song. The first problem is “Being for the Benefit of Mr. Kite” always been used as a part of a circus number (Sgt. Pepper’s including two guys in a rollerskating horse costume as Henry the Horse. I wish I were making that up.)
The best example of the opposite problem I can think of is “I Want You (She’s So Heavy)” which in both films gets used in drastically different ways. In Sgt. Pepper’s it’s about the music people lusting after the band and the dangers of fame. In Across the Universe…
Yeah, heavy-handed much?
5) Actually, maybe just don’t make a musical about the Beatles, especially “based on the music of…” and save everybody involved a lot of trouble.
