This Dork would like to apologize for a most unplanned break from the blogosphere. Life has a way of getting in the way, and I hope this doesn’t become part of an ongoing issue.

As summer encroaches for those of us in the Northern Hemisphere, my thoughts are taken to the summer vacations of years past, which, having been in school up until two years ago, used to still be a major force in my life (even if I was working during them.) But now that I have nothing but the partish-time job I’m currently involved with, there is little hope, if any, of getting out of the City of Angels for more than perhaps a long weekend at best.

With that in mind, here are a list of the top five places that don’t actually exist that I’d want to go on vacation.

5. Coruscant


I’m not the kind of guy who likes to rough it; I live in the desert already, so worlds like Tattooine offer little appeal to me, Endor is off limits due to my own dislike of Ewoks, and Hoth is way too cold for my tastes. But a chance to catch the nightlife on Coruscant, perhaps catch an opera and hear the tragedy of Darth Plageis the Wise, well, that sounds positively awesome…

Although, word to the wise, be careful who you fly with. I’ve found there to be some very unprofessional Star Tours pilots operating these days.

4. Guardia Village (AD 1000)

If visiting any of the time periods of Chrono Trigger (although the crumbling Empire of Zeal is a close second,) Guardia Village would have the least conflict. You could have a drink at the Inn, take a tour of Guardia Castle, or even beat up Gato to earn 15 silver points. You could even take part in the Millenial Festival and watch the horrific accident that sends a bunch of teenagers, a frog swordsman, a robot, a cavewoman, and a creepy scythe-wielding albino on a quest to destroy a giant space urchin thing.

3. Seattle

‘Nuff said.

2. Gotham City


Despite its sky-high crime rates, Gotham is the city where Crime is Art, so, even if you are held up, you’ll get a good show out of it (but, as the Tony Randall-voiced Brain Gremlin noted in Gremlin 2, I’m pretty sure you can watch that for free.)

1. Lankhmar


Lankhmar, the home of multiverse-renowned swordsmen Fafhrd and the Grey Mouser (penned by Fritz Lieber,) the City of the Black Toga, is a City of intrigue, adventure, and magic. Whether catching a service on the Street of the Gods, or buying a souvenir at the Bazaar of the Bizarre, or . Maybe I could catch the two at the Silver Eel for wine and a game of dice, hell, I could maybe even grab some of their trickledown tail.